It's been a while and I'm rusty around the edges. But the voices in my head have been knocking for a while now, and if I keep them caged any longer, the din will be nauseating. My routine leaves little room for introspection and I've fooled myself into believing that's a good thing. But then there was a lull, and the voices got the better of me.There's been such a gush of conflicting emotion off-late that I'm still peeling the layers as I speak.
Feeling fortunate doesn't come naturally me. But as it turns out, my otherwise pessimistic mind has turned a corner. Even though the paranoia remains, the guilt seems to have ebbed out and may I daresay, peace seems to have crept in. The happy place seems like its here and not somewhere in neverland. I spotted my haven and voluntarily dropped out of the wild goose chase. Of course it wasn't as simple as it sounds but the anchor played his part to perfection. The pieces of the jigsaw fell into all the right places. My friends notice the glint my eyes and the hope in my voice. It seems so dreamlike that knocking on wood seems like an ideal solution to hold that thought.
Little did I realise that I was innocuously toeing the thin line between inner peace and complacency and that my fickle mind would give in to the temptation of confusing one with the other. In one swift mood swing, I'm jolted back into familiar territory. The Q&A begins. Who am I? Pat comes the reply - Another face in the crowd. Have I made an iota of a difference in the most critical years of life? The answer remains an emphatic NO! And the tirade continues on those lines for hours until I reach the climax with the most consequential question of them all. What can I do to change this deeply entrenched sense of mediocrity? I refuse to give in to this question without a fight. I know this is my chance to redeem myself. I feel momentary relief at the thought that redemption is still an option. As I start to count my options, I realise I'm drawing a blank. The options seem huddled up at the fag end of obscurity but I know they exist. I try to clear the haze but the hour takes a toll and my eyes give in to the exhaustion.
I wake up the next morning with heightened sense of resentment. I blame it on the proverbial 'Monday morning blues' and rush into my weekly routine!
Feeling fortunate doesn't come naturally me. But as it turns out, my otherwise pessimistic mind has turned a corner. Even though the paranoia remains, the guilt seems to have ebbed out and may I daresay, peace seems to have crept in. The happy place seems like its here and not somewhere in neverland. I spotted my haven and voluntarily dropped out of the wild goose chase. Of course it wasn't as simple as it sounds but the anchor played his part to perfection. The pieces of the jigsaw fell into all the right places. My friends notice the glint my eyes and the hope in my voice. It seems so dreamlike that knocking on wood seems like an ideal solution to hold that thought.
Little did I realise that I was innocuously toeing the thin line between inner peace and complacency and that my fickle mind would give in to the temptation of confusing one with the other. In one swift mood swing, I'm jolted back into familiar territory. The Q&A begins. Who am I? Pat comes the reply - Another face in the crowd. Have I made an iota of a difference in the most critical years of life? The answer remains an emphatic NO! And the tirade continues on those lines for hours until I reach the climax with the most consequential question of them all. What can I do to change this deeply entrenched sense of mediocrity? I refuse to give in to this question without a fight. I know this is my chance to redeem myself. I feel momentary relief at the thought that redemption is still an option. As I start to count my options, I realise I'm drawing a blank. The options seem huddled up at the fag end of obscurity but I know they exist. I try to clear the haze but the hour takes a toll and my eyes give in to the exhaustion.
I wake up the next morning with heightened sense of resentment. I blame it on the proverbial 'Monday morning blues' and rush into my weekly routine!
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